Finding happiness as a Single Mama

Finding happiness as a single mother can be a challenge. We are challenged with doing most of the work while on the grind to make a better life for ourselves and our children. It can be exhausting, yet amazing and rewarding at the same time with the many experiences we get to have with our kids. 

Schedules

Our schedules can be very strict and tight which can become overwhelming.

Here is my schedule:

Wake up.
Get my daughter to school.
Work.
Work out.
Pick my daughter up from school.
After school, ballet once a week.
Work on my business (IDC Identity Crisis LLC) tasks.
Praying I can have me time at the end of the night.
Wake up to do it all over again.

My daughter (Layla) goes to school 4 days a week and 1 day “virtual”.
We already know how that goes! After ballet, let’s not forget cooking dinner,
packing lunch, keeping a clean house, and the works! 

Whew… that just tired me out!

Schedules are important to be sure you get the most of your day and plan a little time in for yourself.

Mama’s Happiness Matters

Throughout the day we are constantly on the go, but are we genuinely happy?
Most times we forget about ourselves because we know things have to get done. 

We are the head of our household, while wanting to look fine like a glass of wine, desire to be successful and want our children to have the best life they deserve!

BUT, when do we sit down and ask ourselves:
Am I happy?
What do I need?
How am I taking care of myself today?

Reading back on Live Happi Girl “What is Happiness and HOW to achieve it” blog, I learned that, “True happiness is the result of life fulfillment through authentic and genuine satisfaction for life itself.”

As a single mother, I have gone through relationships trying to find happiness in someone else. However, once in those relationships, I soon found out that I still wasn’t happy. 

Then, I would try to find happiness in my child… yes, she makes me happy but I still wasn’t happy with myself.

What was I missing to fill that emptiness?

It came down to spending time with myself and learning… me, accepting who I am, embracing my remarkable single mother skills, and finding my gratitude.

When I break down the definition of “True Happiness”, it comes down to the rawness of yourself and I am talking about your subconscious self. 

Are you being authentic, genuine, and real with yourself? 
Are the things you have going on fulfilling you? If not… What are you doing to change that?

Find your happiness

This is what I did to change my mindset so I can be happy.
(The mind is so powerful.)

“The mind is everything. What you think you become.”

Buddha

1. Therapy “MIND”:

Talking to a therapist helped me sort out my WHY. When I spoke with her about my experiences and how I felt, she was able to help me break them down. It always went back to my childhood. 

I grew up in a two-parent, hardcore Christian home. We never had deep and real conversations. Everything was pretty much done by the bible. The biggest thing to me was that my parents never affirmed me. I know they did the best that they could with what they had and how they were raised.

But during those therapy sessions, I was able to have below the surface conversations with my parents about how I felt. Having those discussions helped me tremendously! I was one step closer to finding happiness because I was open with my emotions.

“Communication is ALWAYS key”

2. Fitness, Stretch, and Meditate “BODY & SOUL”:

Working out has been a part of my life since I joined the Air Force Reserves back in 2009. 

Fitness helps me clear my mind and focus on the health of my body. Knowing that I have scheduled myself to work out a minimum of 4 times a week, helps me look forward to something I enjoy.

I am in the process of competing in the NPC Wellness Division, a female athletic physique showcase. And with me lifting heavy weights, it is starting to aggravate my arthritis… Yes, I have arthritis in my knees (lol). But this gives me time to RE-FOCUS on myself. So, I push through because it’s necessary.

I also stretch a minimum of 4 times a week, for about 20 minutes before I go to bed. I turn on Jhene Aiko (specifically two YouTube videos: Chilombo Medley and Tiny Desk Concert), I light a candle, and turn off my lights. She uses crystal bowls during her performances and it is so soothing. While listening, I stretch for about 15 minutes and lay on my back just meditating and focusing on SELF.

Going down your “Happiness Journey”, is a continuous process!
But, you can do this!

This has been helping me find my happy place before bed!

3. Reading and Business “Find something that you enjoy and don’t overwhelm yourself”:

I started reading again as a way to focus on myself and my happiness. I remember feeling overwhelmed when it came to reading because I didn’t like reading. Additionally, I would set crazy reading goals that I couldn’t meet. I would say “I am going to read 20-25 books this year.” Knowing damn well, that goal wasn’t realistic for me. 

I concluded this year that I would take it a quarter at a time. Now I have 3 books I have in mind that I plan to read before April.

My 1st Quarter Books:

• “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle
• “The Power of Positive Energy” by Tanaaz Chubb
• “Peace Is Every Step” by Thich Nhat Hanh

What makes me happy…

I started a business called IDC Identity Crisis, which I enjoy and love working on. My business is an affirmation athleisure and t-shirt clothing brand. I take time out to work on my business because I care about it. That gives me time to focus on myself, my WHY, and my purpose.

Out of these three different steps that I take, I find my happiness. I accept myself for who I am and what I stand for. I continue working on my MIND, BODY, and SOUL by finding different activities that I enjoy.

As for you, continue to take life day by day. Each day will not always be perfect, but try to find something that made you happy that day! Everything counts, especially the “little things”.

Message to Mamas

During our busy lives as mothers, remember you have to be happy within yourself! Once you find that happiness, remember that it is a continuous process. When you know that you are happy, that right person will come along and bring more happiness in your life instead of searching for it in them!

Continue taking the time to understand and learn you! To all of my SINGLE MAMA’s out there, remember you got this! You’re a fantastic mommy and you’re killing it every day!

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Written By:
Jocilyn Grable
Creator of IDC Identity Crisis