One Year of Marriage!

Oh, marriage, it’s a special kind of relationship.
As of Thursday, I will be married for 1 year to my best friend!

In the first year of marriage…

Joining of finances

Money issues have been called the number one reason couples get divorced. After marriage, mostly everything becomes one unit, and your money or lack thereof is included. Bringing debt and bad money habits into a marriage can be detrimental. I advise everyone to speak openly about income, expenses, debt, habits, and lifestyles before saying “I Do”. Being on the same page and setting boundaries, limits, and plans together could save marriages from the unknown.

My husband and I talked heavily about our financial future, thoughts on debt, and how we would manage money in marriage before getting married. I teach others about finances for a living, so I would admit that this made things much easier in this department. One thing I’m proud of is the spending limit we agreed on which gives us both the freedom to spend without feeling trapped, but held accountable. We set a $200 kinda flexible cap where we talk to each other about potential purchases. In doing this, we discuss if it’s an impulse buy, what benefit it would bring, and if now would be a good time to buy this item.

No judging. No shaming. We just discuss together as a way to not spend on things we may not need. I’m thankful we are on the same wavelength in this area, most of the time.

Communication skills are tested

Believe it or not, communication is an art that must be studied and intentionally handled. Raising your voice, speaking without thinking, or even playing the blame game will never solve problems or translate well to the other person. Having conversations often with your spouse will help to understand them and how they receive things. With open dialogue that aims to understand the other person is a good start. Misunderstandings will happen, it’s always a good idea to clarify and not assume or jump to conclusions. We chose to be with this person for the rest of our lives, surely, we can trust them to always have our best interest at heart.

This is an area I am working diligently in. When I feel attacked, I become defensive. When I feel tension or conflict coming, most times I shut down and abort the conversation. Not everything indeed needs to be a discussion or argument. But, most times, I am on the side of “This does not need to go any further. I’m done”. Don’t be like me. It does not solve anything. I have gotten better this past year by taking a deep breath and asking myself “What’s the worst that can happen?”. Well, he could get upset, but at least my truth is out there and we both can come to a resolution quicker.

Most recently, in approaching a topic of needed discussion, we were able to understand each other’s view and hug it out with a smile. We are constantly improving our communication methods and strategies like saying “We” instead of “You”.

You are responsible for your own Happiness

Yes! I said what I said! Let me just say our spouses are supposed to add to our happiness, not be expected to work magic every day to make us smile. If we are not internally happy, nothing on the outside (spouses included) can make that happen for you. Oh, but there is a surface happy that only lasts but so long. Finding our joy and fulfillment must be the work we do for ourselves. What truly makes you happy? What do you like to create? Are there activities you like to partake in?

Do you make time for your hobbies? What type of scenery takes your mind, body, and soul to your happy place? We are human and happiness is not a constant state. However, we must go into our marriage knowing that our spouse is our support and we are theirs. When our emotions are out of whack, we have this nonjudgmental and supportive shoulder to cry on; they help us through.

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Quick Tips

• Always be your authentic self. We are all changing and evolving. Be you and accept you.
• Have your own set of friends to hang out with.
• Do things alone sometimes. Feed your soul with love that comes from you.
• Add positive energy and vibes to your marriage and it will flourish throughout it.
• Do check-ins with your spouse and their happiness. Don’t let them slack on themselves.
• Spend time with each other, of course! Do what married couples do! Add to each other, be careful with the multiplying unless that’s the goal. (Wink)

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Advice to those courting

• Write a list of what you want in a spouse. Cute is cool. But don’t forget empathetic, patient, compassionate, loyal…
• Make a list of the kind of spouse you will be as well. (Review your list of what you are seeking)
• I think it’s ok to start talking about money after 6 months of dating (income, debt, financial goals, etc.)
• Don’t keep dating someone that doesn’t add to you and I’m not talking about money. Money can be here today and gone tomorrow.

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Mr. & Mrs. Johnson

The Johnson’s are not perfect. However, people have told me “Yall are marriage goals” and I strongly dislike that statement as much as I dislike the word “gems” being used in Clubhouse rooms. It’s overused and has no facts to back it up. Every relationship has its good and not-so-good things. We all should aim to be the best goals within our relationship. Like, literally set goals within your relationship before marriage. Set goals after marriage. You are exactly where you should be. Just continue to grow together and be your own goals! <3

On February 25th, my husband and I celebrate one year of choosing each other and loving each other through and through. I’m looking forward to many more years of growing, laughing, experiencing life and raising our little family.

In marriage, we must show up every day as ourselves and remain vulnerable to live a life that adds to each other.

Thank you babe for always being vulnerable and patient. I Love You!💕
Love, wifey

Share something people go through in the first year of marriage or thoughts on marriage below.

Thanks for reading.

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For our wild wedding story and more pictures CLICK HERE!

Written by: Jasmine Johnson
The creator os LHG