Teaching my kids about Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is extending kindness, love, and patience to ourselves despite the rough patches we go through in life.

Teaching my kids how to have compassion for themselves is just as important as showing compassion to others.

It can be hard to teach someone something that you have not done yourself. So, the first step to teaching my kids about self-compassion is to start with myself.

Compassion for myself

I experienced severe anxiety starting from a young age. Unkind thoughts, self-sabotaging statements, and the feeling of unworthiness which all stemmed from my anxiety. Then, one day I decided that enough was enough and my kindness journey started. I desired to have more internal happiness, kinder thoughts, and be able to freely give compassion to others. 

The energy that I give to myself is given to those around me and especially my kids. My babies are a reflection of me and I want them to see me loving myself often. 

I show myself love and compassion through dancing, singing, and encouraging words. When things get tough, I find an upside to the situation and attempt to handle the downside with a “things will be better” kind of attitude. 

Life can be a bit challenging while juggling so much. As a black woman, entrepreneur, wife, mother, and imperfect being — I make mistakes, require so much of myself, and even fail at times. I have gotten in the habit of acknowledging that mistakes will happen in life, my to-do list will be there tomorrow and all I can do is give it my all each time. 

My self sabotaging stage has turned into more of self-love and understanding. I give myself grace. Trust me, it was a process to get to this grace. But, I am thankful for getting here. My favorite slogan that keeps me motivated is “I got this!” Malia now says this when things get tough for her.

“Giving yourself Grace”

• allows you to accept what is and let go of what was with kindness.
• gives you permission to love yourself as you would someone else going through your exact situation. 
• teaches that you are worthy, you are caring, you are a great mom, and you are human.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness allows us to be present in our thoughts and aware of our feelings at that exact moment. Self-compassion becomes so much easier when we are mindful of what we are feeling, why, and what we need in order to get through the hump.

Each day, I ask my daughter how she is feeling and if there is anything she wants to talk about. This allows her to recognize and acknowledge her feelings, thoughts, and anything that may bother her. I encourage her to speak on anything she desires and of course without judgment. I listen and remain in that moment with her until we see everything through. This practice teaches her about being aware of her feelings, how to acknowledge and process them with compassion for herself.

Additionally, I allow her to become mindful through her drawings. She can’t write in a journal yet, but her pictures are worth a thousand words. I love to see how conscious she becomes as she draws out whatever is on her mind. Whenever she gets a little disturbed, this is a good tool I use to calm her and help her bring awareness to her feelings. Sometimes I join her and we share the story behind our drawings and I just keep her encouraged. 

So, no one told me that kids in Kindergarten no longer take naps. No one! School is literally all day and runs into late afternoon. Virtual school is a struggle and then I realized Nap Time was skipped in the virtual school planning. But, I digress. 

I had to get a little creative by redefining “nap time” as “Meditation Time”. At this time, she gets to engage in her activities that make her happy. I always hear her from a distance “Hey Siri. Play Kids Bop”. Then she colors, play with some small toys as she sings all her favorite songs aloud. For the most part, it works and allows her to practice Self-care on a kiddie level as I do some housework.

Compassion for others

The number one way to teach compassion to children is through our daily actions. It must be instilled early and corrected when a mishap occurs. 

5 ways I teach my kids to show compassion to others:

1. Have them engage in compassionate activities. 

I love making hand made cards, saying “hello” to strangers with a smile, and even holding the door for those walking through a door behind me. I involve my oldest child in this often and she loves it! 

2. Talk to them about compassion, kindness, and empathy.

In addition to asking my daughter questions, I also hold her in my lap while talking to her about how being kind makes other people happy. A bonus to all this talking is that the communication between you and your child is strengthened on a large scale. 

3. Treat my kids with respect, love, and compassion.

My babies are humans too. They deserve the same respect as I expect to get from them. Of course, I’m the mother, but I can give directions with love and compassion. I also make mistakes and make it a priority to apologize immediately. 

4. Address unkind situations at that time.

My daughter can be a little snappy at times to her peers and even me. I get it, we all can get a little flustered and lose it a bit. However, it’s a MUST that I address that type of behavior to get back aligned with being kind. Additionally, explaining why what she did was not nice and asking her questions like “How would you feel if that was done to you” helps her see on the other side of things. Sometimes, putting oneself in another person’s shoes brings clarity.  

5. Acknowledge the kind gestures.

Just like unkind situations, the kind moments must be acknowledged as well. My daughters are both sweet and I’m grateful for them. My oldest draws me pictures with hearts and butterflies which she knows I love. She is quick to help her sister, dad, or me when we are not well. Her desire to offer me help around the house is so cute and I am sure to recognize those gestures so she knows how amazing and kind she is.

Gratitude

Practicing gratitude allows a person to find appreciation for where they are, who they are, and what they have. A transformation of emotions occurs within us when we are grateful for what is, even when it’s not perfect. I don’t know about you, but sometimes attempting to be a perfectionist at something can sometimes sneak up and get me in my feelings. But, with lots of work, I can detect this rather quickly so I can extend the grace I need to be grateful for where I am in the process.

Gratitude for School

Now, Let’s take virtual school for an example. After a whole year of being excited to send my daughter off to Kindergarten, COVID happened. My gratitude did not show up immediately for this as I was disappointed and stretched thin with two kids at home. Unsurprisingly, my daughter adopted the attitude that this was all bad as well.

However, after a month or so, my daughter and I finally arrived at some great points to be thankful for the extra time we have with each other. We have more control over what she eats. She is able to learn at a faster pace because I am here with her all day and every day. With all that in mind, we are forever grateful for the many blessings this unforeseen circumstance has provided.

Family Gratitude

In our household, manners are a sign of gratitude. The words “Thank you” are often spoken to express how grateful we are for life, food, and so much more. Each night before bed, my husband and I pray with the girls and we always start with “Thank you God for today..”. We practice gratitude as a family, extend gratitude to each other as well as to ourselves.

We are not always perfect at it, but, hey… that’s where we also need to hold that compassion for just being imperfect beings.

I’m grateful for you giving my blog post some love.

What was your Self-Compassion
like as a kid?

Do you have a good handle on kindness to yourself?

If you have kids, how are you keeping them kind to themselves, especially during these times?

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Jasmine

Live Happi Girl